Do the Opposite: Timely Life Tips

We tend to think of “aspiring toward,” but there’s also “aspiring away from.”

In other words, there are some embodiments of what not to do and how not to be so complete that you could live a pretty satisfying life by continually asking yourself “What would ____ do?” and then doing the exact opposite.

For example, if a manager asked to see your receipt as you rolled your cart of groceries toward the door at Safeway, you would not want to deflect this by pointing out how “sad” it is that “failing Safeway” is sourcing its avocados from Mexico as you barreled past without showing a receipt.

Instead, you’d want to do the opposite.

It’s a little late to expect a 70-year-old man to change his fundamental way of going about life, but there’s still hope for you. In this spirit, let this next little while be a reminder of why it’s important that you:

1. Don’t let your ego run the show.
2. Don’t become obsessed by what others think of you.
3. Acknowledge your flaws like you’ve nothing to prove, even if you have unusually small hands or are paler than you’d prefer. (These are just random examples.)
4. Inoculate yourself against flattery, lest you become the pawn of any flatterer who comes along.
5. Eschew hyperbole, cheapener of talk.
6. Win and lose with equal grace. (Win at least as gracefully as the average person would lose.)
7. Whatever power you acquire, wield it responsibly.
8. Don’t invent your own facts.
9. Don’t be certain until you’ve been informed.
10. As a starting point, believe experts in fields you know nothing about.
11. Believe no single expert completely or unthinkingly. Know the landscape of the field, the nature of the debates that exist within it, and where your expert fits into the bigger picture.
12. Beware fringe figures, who are often fringe for a reason.
13. Be unimpressed by wealth, knowing full well how little it signifies. Or satisfies.
14. Don’t mention a woman’s appearance, either positively or negatively, where you wouldn’t mention a man’s.
15. Be less preoccupied by appearances in general.
16. Remember that might doesn’t make right. Just because you can do something – it’s within your power – doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
17. Treat people well. All the people.
18. Don’t make everything about you.
19. Don’t make everything about them, where ‘them’ is some group of people you blame for something.
20. Make everything about everyone: the greater good.
21. Be slow to take umbrage.
22. Don’t take credit for what you didn’t do.
23. Don’t deflect responsibility for what you did do.
24. Apologize when you’re in the wrong.
25. Remember that you don’t actually need to react to every perceived slight.
26. Don’t be retribution-oriented. Grudges cloud your thinking.
27. Don’t seek to control people by intimidation.
28. Don’t interrupt others when they speak.
29. Listen better.
30. Express disagreement without resorting to name-calling or ad hominem attack.
31. When people share their stories with you, believe them. Especially if those stories are unlike your own.
32. Seek out other people’s stories.
33. Read a book.
34. Embrace, don’t squelch, dissent.
35. When contradicted, do not reflexively double down. Take a moment to reconsider before proceeding.
36. Acknowledge the advantages you were born with. Don’t pretend to be self-made if you’re not. (You’re not, because no one is.)
37. Give what you can of your time and resources without demanding credit or emblazoning your name on everything.
38. Say what’s true, not what’s convenient in the moment.
39. Assume people have long memories and are smart enough to recognize lies, even when their falseness does not become clear until later.
40. Don’t catastrophize. Appeal to people’s best instincts instead of their fears.
41. Don’t use unpredictability to bamboozle people. Be principled and steadfast.
42. Be the same person, regardless of who you’re talking to and what they want to hear.
43. Own your own words so you won’t mind hearing them quoted back to you.
44. As a general rule of thumb, be willing to denounce a dictator.
45. Willingly pay taxes.
46. Don’t mock the disabled, scapegoat immigrants, feud with Gold Star families, or counter-punch civil rights heroes on Martin Luther King Jr. Day weekend.
47. Don’t physically ‘rate’ your own progeny.
48. If at all possible, do not assault (or brag about assaulting) women.