Meet Chris Wilcox

  • Writings
  • Media
  • Quips
  • Store
  • About Chris
  • Contact

Screw you, Wilford

12.21.2015 by Chris Wilcox //

I’m too broke to send gifts, so I wrote everyone a poem instead.

On the night before Christmas, down from the chimney
Came a plump man, ’twas a bearded Wilford Brimley!
Though cookies were laid by our hearth with great care
His diabeetus meant he’d taste of them ne’er;
And we children did crouch behind some old coats
Hissing “Ain’t that the man with the Quaker Oats?”
While mamma slept soundly, wholly unawares
That a star of The Firm traversed our downstairs;
Then just as I wondered if he’d brought us a gift
He unplugged our flatscreen and gave it a lift
Right into a black truck backed up to our door
And that’s why I don’t watch Cocoon anymore.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

* Wilford Brimley is probably actually a delightful person.

Enjoy this? Tell someone about it.

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)

Categories // Ephemera Tags // Humorous

Suggested Kindnesses

  1. Support Chris by buying 31 Down or the sit-down stand-up comedy downloads.
  2. If you enjoyed this post, pass it along to a friend or mention it on social media.
  3. Be nice to animals.
Something to say about this? Public comments (that may appear on the site, subject to the rules of grammar and good taste) will be open for one week after the posting of each new thing. Or you can always send an email.

Latest Updates

Better late than never

May 16, 2022

Leaving only confusion in its wake

May 1, 2022

Fancy names for common things

March 20, 2022

Types of Stuff

Ephemera Listen Prose Saturdays Songs Updates

Copyright © 2014 - 2022 by Chris M. Wilcox · All Rights Reserved