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A Rough Guide to Chris-Speak

04.12.2015 by Chris Wilcox //

Like most people who’ve spent a good deal of time entertaining themselves, my uses of language can tend toward the idiosyncratic and ‘inside.’

Categories // Prose Tags // Humorous

New song: “Screaming Soccer Dad”

04.04.2015 by Chris Wilcox //

In the great karmic balance of the universe, my over-the-top pride in avoiding all team sports as an adolescent came back to bite me, as an adult, with the installation of an equally over-the-top soccer field (with stadium lights!) in the lot just behind our back fence. Since the living room and bedroom windows look […]

Categories // Songs Tags // Humorous

Pantyhose breakdown

02.12.2015 by Chris Wilcox //

That summer, we were laying the groundwork for Grandma’s move from Napa to Roseville. Rental van companies were being researched and compared. Furniture was being measured. Tonnage of rooms was being guesstimated. Boxes were being collected, and early efforts made at packing up certain non-essential items that could make the trip ahead of the rest. […]

Categories // Prose Tags // Humorous

Stella Louise, internet starlet

01.07.2015 by Chris Wilcox //

The cat’s a bigger deal than I am, and don’t think she lets me forget it. Back in my compulsively-photographing-and-videoing-everything-so-I-won’t-have-to-participate phase, I noticed that I had two clips of family cats making odd noises. The first was my brother’s cat asking to be let outside. The other was my Mom’s cat, Stella, making a kind […]

Categories // Prose Tags // Humorous

Trader Joe’s

12.11.2014 by Chris Wilcox //

If you’re heading to Trader Joe’s, go the first hour after they open or the last hour before they close. Any other time is asking for trouble. During one ill-timed visit to pick up a few things, I glided in and cut an immediate right into the produce area. Even at Trader Joe’s, this section […]

Categories // Prose Tags // Humorous

Pumpkin Pancakash Polka

11.07.2014 by Chris Wilcox //

pan·cak·ash (pan-kok-uzh) When I run “pancakes” through an online translator, the Portuguese word it comes back with is “panquecas.” My full-blooded Portuguese grandma says the old folks she knew used to call them “pan-koksh.” Come to think of it, that might just be the regular English word muttered through a mouthful of linguiça. Anyway, I […]

Categories // Prose, Songs Tags // Humorous

Campus cafe, circa 2006

10.01.2014 by Chris Wilcox //

“Is that your coffee back there? What’s it like?” “What’s it like? I’m not sure I understand. It’s coffee.” “Yeah, but aren’t there different kinds? See, the one pot says Italian Roast and the other says French Roast.” “Oh, yeah. We have Italian and French roasts.” “But what are they like? What’s the difference between […]

Categories // Prose Tags // Humorous

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Better late than never

May 16, 2022

Leaving only confusion in its wake

May 1, 2022

Fancy names for common things

March 20, 2022

Types of Stuff

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